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Beauty Without Ana and Mia

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dancing on the water
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foreverfreeluv

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dancing on the water
I really like to pretend like I'm over my E.D....that is quite evident from the title of my journal here....yes, of course beauty is deeper than thin but is that the viewpoint I have when I look at my OWN body? Absolutely not. Was that REALLY my perspective when I made this journal last year? I doubt it, I really do. When I read the title of this journal, I feel like I was being dishonest with myself. It's really only been in the past few weeks where I've started to be honest with myself again; started admitting that I am in fact STILL affected by an E.D.....question is: when will it END?! Will there EVER be a time when I'm not obsessed with my stomach, or will I still be concerned with my abs when I'm old and wrinkly?! Maybe it's just a matter of growing up: I like to think I am a kind person who cares about others but if this is true, why is my own body image always on my mind? When I hang out with girls and women I am always comparing their bodies to my own. That is QUITE an egocentric thing to do; I mean if I am spending time with people, I should be listening to THEM and caring about what THEY are saying instead of thinking about myself...maybe the day when I am less egotistical is the day when I will no longer have an eating disorder!
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